Sunday, December 13, 2009

Cry Wolf

He was always in his room writing those things, never with people. I used to tell him, what good is all of that love doing on paper? I said, let love write on you for a little. But he was so stubborn. Or perhaps he was only timid.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pull Your Little Arrows Out

I've been spending a lot of time trying to wish things into existence lately. The relationships I want, the intimacy, the money, the job, the dreams. I spend alot of time envisaging these little fantasies, fictional conversations and scenarios in my head. Even in these little reveries I still manage to fuck it up from time to time. Honestly, who, when they can play out any internal projection they want, chooses to imagine their own failure? FML yo'.

History keeps repeating itself, I keep falling, no, plummeting into old habits and making carbon copies of my mistakes, over and over again. If I haven't learnt by now, I don't know if I ever will.

Casual dating is for chumps. I am a chump.
Sleeping all day is for jerks. I am a jerk.
Spending money that isn't yours is irresponsible. I am irresponsible.
Accidently leaving you freezer door open when you go on a trip is plain idiotic. I am an idiot. Twice over.

In other news, I quit uni. I quit big time.
Hopefully next year I'll find something I can stick to, something I can stand.

Also I think I may have developed a smoker's cough. Not that I smoke. Is that possible? I think I need some friends that care about the state of my lungs.

I can't get to sleep, there is a Koala outside my window, and it won't stop fucking grunting. I know it's mating season, but sorry Mr Koala, you're grunting up the wrong tree, I simply don't swing that way.

I'm all over the place, all over the shop. My apologies, whoever you are.


p.s incase I forget, happy holidays a little present for you.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

two headed girl

My brain stretches out towards you, reaches for you, wraps itself around your bony edges and contours, your flat ass and freckley arms. Can you take this seriously? Will you ever want to team up and have catastrophic fights and easy laughter, flushed excitement and lazy afternoons lying on your living room floor? We can go to bed, fiercely serious or ridiculously silly, with our bodies so obviously ill-suited for eachother.
OR - we can stay friends, keep teaching eachother what it means to be in completely different places all the time, learning to laugh at ourselves more and more, swaping new favourite bands, knowing exactly what the other is thinking and never spilling a word. You're so kind sometimes, and it always surprises me because, I mostly remember the times you've broken my heart or lied for no reason, you rude bastard. Made me cry more times than I care to remember.
But still I love you, not always in same way as before. I know you do love me, I heard you whisper it one night when you thought I'd fallen asleep before you, but the truth is, whenever I sleep over I can't fall asleep before I've heard your soft snores murmuring in my ear.
Plus, you're beautiful, or handsome, I should say. Do people tell you that? Your girlfriends, for example? The way you move is AMAZING. And the lines of your body too. You should get that tattoo, I wouldn't be able to stop myself then. Are you blushing yet?
I love you!
- grace